I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
