The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
