i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
