i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
His nipple licking is glorious
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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