One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
