sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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