chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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