You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
