The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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