what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
4 words: hood of his car
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
