So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
