I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
