I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
