im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
