Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
