so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
