I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
