i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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