she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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