Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He has the fingertips of a God
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
