Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
