I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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