Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
