And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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