Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
