Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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