No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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