Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
