I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
