apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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