i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
