he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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