i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
