he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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