the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
