I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
