If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
