I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
