Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
