I'm drive I can fine osifer
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
