Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
