eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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