Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
