i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
