Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
