did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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