Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
