Pappa wants mamma naked
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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