i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
