i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
