i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
