How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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